Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Thanks, Bloomberg. The Island Is Sinking

People come to New York literally to watch a McDonald's exist.

Whenever a city/area shuts down streets permanently in order to make itself more "pedestrian," I'm almost always in favor because I'm not morbidly obese and irrationally averse to walking 300 extra yards to Tiger Stadium. Having more pedestrian-friendly places creates an inevitable increase in inadvertent/advertent excercise, overall better health for all of us, and, most importantly, a generally better quality of life for me.

Not so with Times Square.

I already don't like Times Square because not only is that where you find the fattest asses in New York (including an inordinate amount of them from Tennessee for some reason) looking up and saying stuff like "Oh my gawd, that is greaaaaaaat! They got a Hard Rawk Caffay here, too, Skyler!" (Now I'm not talking about "freshman fifteen" fat--those chicks are hot--I'm talking about "can't fit into the Sephia anymore" fat.) And now, they've shut down the stretch of Broadway from 48th to 40th, painted the street green for some reason, and plopped a slew of lawn chairs from Walgreens for some other equally inexplicably stupid reason. The results couldn't be more disgusting.

Imagine Burning Man, except instead of scrawny hippie dudes gangbanging ugly chicks by campfire, it's a bunch of fat people squirting suntan lotion on themselves and watching Fox News on a 2000" JumboTron while a convicted felon of indeterminate ethnic origin is forced to use two easels to draw their caricatures for $40. Ironically, by taking the automobile traffic out of Times Square, and replacing the cars with people the size of cars, there is less pedestrian space available.

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