Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I Almost Botched My Salvation Like a Papa Shango Sneak Attack


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xiii years ago today, I was baptised. I always remember this day because it was on the fourth anniversary of Wrestlemania VIII. I always remember that day because six days later on Saturday Night Live, Kevin Nealon delivered a story on Weekend Update, saying, "Wrestlemania VIII was held in the Hoosier Dome in Indianapolis this past Sunday, and experts are still trying to figure out why."

It was a Wednesday night when I was baptised by Eugene Brown at Rocky Branch Assembly of God, located on the outskirts of Farmerville, Louisiana. To give you an idea of how small a town Rocky Branch is, it's located on the outskirts of a town called Farmerville.

It was minutes before the service was to begin, and somebody noted that I hadn't thought to bring a change of clothes. I said, "No problem--I think I'll just do it in my underwear." Horrified by the thought of so much of my surface area in plain sight (and perhaps more horrified that I would have such a stupid idea), panic ensued, and a search party was organized to find me some baptisewear. At the last minute, I was given some clothes much too big for me, and it was my turn.

After Brother Brown asked me the standard questions about my plans to serve Jesus, he asked me if I had any words for the congregation. I said, "The water here is freezing, and I can't think of a better night to get baptised than tonight...the fourth anniversary of Wrestlemania VIII."

5 comments:

Sunny said...

The 4th anniversary of Wrestlemania VIII would be Wrestlemania XXXII which won't happen for another VII years.

dope.

Sunny said...

Since you can't comprehend basic math and I am tired of texting you, here it is:

If you are doing the 25th anniversary of wrestlemania it is 25 multiplied by 1(1 because it is the FIRST wrestlemania.)

When you say the 4th anniversary of the 8th wrestlemania, it is the 32nd wrestelmania. Because it the 4th anniversary of the 8th wrestlemania, or 4 multiplied by 8.

You have been using Roman Numerals so long you have forgotten basic multiplication.

Dumbass.

Adam David Wilson said...

"An anniversary (from the Latin anniversarius, from the words for year and to turn, meaning (re)turning yearly; known in English since c. 1230) is a day that commemorates and/or celebrates a past event that occurred on the same day of the year as the initial event."

The fourth anniversary of WrestleMania VIII was March 24, 1996. I'm using the working definition of "fourth" and "anniversary" according to the OED, retard.

BellaFitz said...

I hate to be the one to announce the upset, but Adam "Holy Water" Wilson wins the belt on this one.

Belt him, Sunny!

BellaFitz said...

And yeah, Adam "Rocky Branch Davidian" Wilson was just too easy.