Sunday, January 25, 2009

Your Awesome...Face

I just brought an entire party to its collective knees by saying to a woman, "I'm pointing this beer bottle at your awesome, cumless face."
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No. Stop. I Hate This. A Lot.

I'm at a party right now and I just had an awful conversation with this dude. Here's how it went down:

Me: Hi. I'm Adam.
Him: Hi. I love Dream Theater. They're the greatest band ever. Dream Theater is to metal what Bach and Mozart were to classical music. That's because they reinvented their genre.

Say your last goodbyes to me soon because I am going to murder this dude and see that his ashes are spread over the grave of Bob Denver, which is an offense punishable by death.
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Monday, January 19, 2009

...as a Three-Dollar Bill

I was told last night that I am gay because my favorite movie of all time is Gone With the Wind.

To the man who dubbed me so, I asked what his favorite movie of all time is.

He replied, "Notting Hill."
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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Z

My roommate Dosia is on the phone right now with Delta confirming her plane ticket to Budapest next month, and she had to read her confirmation number to the representative over the phone, and it went a little something like this:
"A...seven...four...Z...oh, Z as in xylophone."
She had the nerve to make me feel like a dick for laughing out loud. Not fair.