Thursday, April 24, 2008

I'll Give You a Hint--Not Me

In 2006, I moved to New York, expecting to stay for five years. Yesterday, a friend of mine from Louisiana--a female--came to New York expecting to stay for four days. Guess which one of us brought more shit?

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I Ended Up Not Masturbating to It

Last night I was watching SportsCenter in my living room, and I was about to head to bed. But before I left, I set my tv recorder to record two softcore porns. You know, so I could masturbate to them. I had the next two days off, and I wanted to use them wisely.

Well, in the middle of the day today, I was still in the bed, playing my ukulele in my underwear, and I ended up having plans for the evening. I showered, ate, and left, and I just got back home.

I'm in my room right now, writing this very blog entry. The Beast is asleep in its room, and the Bulldog is watching an episode of one of its favorite recorded tv series right now.

I suspect that the Bulldog has seen that there are two adult films in the DVR cue, and I also suspect that it expects that I have masturbated on the couch.

Well, Bulldog, I am not embarrassed, and no, I did not masturbate on your couch.

Sunday, April 6, 2008


I was listening to "Proud Mary" by Creedence Clearwater Revival, and I took particular note of the mondegreen in the second verse:
Cleaned a lot of plates in memphis,
Pumped a lot of pain down in new orleans,
But I never saw the good side of the city,
til I hitched a ride on a river boat queen.
Some think that "pain" is actually "'pane," as in "propane." John Fogerty himself has never told us whether it's "pain" or "'pane."

Anywho, I looked up "mondegreen" on Wikipedia, and I read:
The word "mondegreen" is itself a mondegreen.
I instantly started laughing out loud, and the laughter elevated and then diverted into intense crying because I found it incredibly sad and depressing that I would laugh so much at such a simple self-referential statement.

I've done it. I've gone insane.

(And now Tommy's "Underture" is playing. This won't help.)