Monday, January 14, 2008

I'll Probably Even Skip My Own To Save a Buck


Old folks who don't know what that gesture means.
I picked the wrong time to live. This is the bad thing about living far from home. See, in the next ten years, we're all going to have to go to a lot of funerals (Baby Boomers can't live forever). Then there are weddings, and since I come from a religious background, most of the marriages close to me will end in divorce because religious people tend to have a naive, perverted view of marriage. So not only will I have to go to all my friends' weddings, I'll have to go to their 2nd weddings ten years later. These plane trips ain't free, gang. Slow down.

If you're my friend, and you're getting married soon, that girl you're marrying is a bitch, or that dude you're marrying is cheating on you with that girl who's prettier than you. And I killed your dog. And before I killed your dog, I raped it. Anything to save myself a couple hundred bucks.

Since I'm considerate of my fellow man, I'm never getting married, and I'm never going to die. And I hate you all, so if I do get married or die, now you won't come to the wedding or funeral because I hated you during my last days.

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