Wednesday, October 31, 2007


It's Halloween. Here's my Halloween costume history:
1980West Monroe, LouisianaNoneI was only 0 at the time. Too young to Trick or Treat.
1981Monroe, LouisianaNoneToo young, said the parents.
1982Farmerville, LouisianaSatanIn only a year, I went from being too young to even Trick or Treat at all to being the one true Prince of Darkness.
1983Monroe, LouisianaClownWorse than Satan.
1984Monroe, LouisianaInspector GadgetMy only trick-or-treating that transpired entirely in a trailer park.
1985Amarillo, TexasSpider-ManHad to wear a coat over my costume because it was cold.
1986Amarillo, TexasOptimus PrimeCoat again. Lame.
1987Shreveport, LouisianaAmerican Fighting ManBasically I wore a camouflage shirt and painted my face green. It was kind of a n*****-rigged G.I. Joe.
1988Shreveport, LouisianaSpace AlienTrash bag, glitter, and last year's leftover green face paint.
1989Scott Depot, West VirginiaFrankensteinInspired by Kevin McHale
1990West Monroe, LouisianaDraculaI wanted to wear a cape but I thought that Superman was too gay. Shows what I know.
1991West Monroe, LouisianaFrankensteinInspired by Bram Stoker
1992West Monroe, LouisianaHulk Hogan9" pythons.
1993West Monroe, LouisianaLarry BirdPut on a jersey, grab candy. Deal.
1994West Monroe, LouisianaCrazy Big-Eyed Man, Crazy Pickle Moustache, Crazy Backwards Man, About-to-Sneeze Guy, Crazy One-Armed Man, Crazy Alarm-Clock FaceInspired by Adam Sandler
1995West Monroe, LouisianaDan MajerleThis was the Dan Majerle from D
1996Rocky Branch, LouisianaThe kind of Christian who is convinced that any acknowledgement of Halloween is inherently evil and should be avoided at all costs.Oh, the Assemblies of God. I gotta hand it to you--you taught me how to rock.
1997West Monroe, LouisianaProstituteI shaved my legs and wore fish nets.
1998Baton Rouge, LouisianaMexicanI found out who Ron Jeremy was this night--Ben Guidry dressed as him.
1999Baton Rouge, LouisianaPayne StewartThis was like three days after Payne Stewart died in a plane crash. I think this wins the award for most tasteless costume in my life.
2000Baton Rouge, LouisianaAlice CooperI'm glad I took that stage make-up class; I nailed the face-paint job on this one.
2001Baton Rouge, LouisianaA guy wearing nothing but briefsShrinkage.
2002Baton Rouge, LouisianaA drunker, fatter version of my normal self.Miserable. Just miserable.
2003Baton Rouge, LouisianaStrawberry ShortcakeI hosted a comedy show that night in costume. "Surprisingly easy to masturbate to."--Sunny Weathers
2004Baton Rouge, LouisianaHe-ManPrince Adam. Get it?
2005Baton Rouge, LouisianaGuy who worked at Kinko's$
2006New York, New YorkOut-of-townerBut hey, I met Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley in the Village.
2007New York, New YorkBloggerPretty much the same costume as 2001.

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