Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I Really Am a Big Boy Now


"This is weird and gross." - C.M.E., photographer, who often says the exact opposite of what she's really thinking
I have lived more than xxvii years, and today, for the first time ever, I bought my own underwear. I feel free, mature, sexy, confident, and alive.

I never bought my own underwear because somebody else always picked up the ball and got them before I got the chance. It was always either my mom or girlfriend who did the deed. I came close when I was about to move to New York. It was my last morning in Baton Rouge, and I was walking through my living room in just my tighty whiteys, and my dad must have seen one too many skid marks, so he got me a six-pack of Hanes.

And anyone who makes fun of the fact that I wear briefs only is a dirty homo. Little Elvis is a tiger man; he needs a cage. Boxers make me feel naked, and boxer-briefs just remind me of Marky Mark.

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